How To Set Up A First Date

Your breakdown is starting to feel like a distant memory.

You've been talking to your ex, seeing them more and more, and information technology feels like you're connecting all over again. This is your second chance at a first date.

So what can you do to avert screwing information technology upwards like terminal fourth dimension?

First off, congratulations.

Getting to this point after a breakup is one of the toughest things y'all tin can do.

But don't get too cocky! You still take a long way to become before your relationship is out of the woods.

At present, this date shouldn't exist the first fourth dimension you lot see your ex after breaking up.

If they're coming over to pick up the hoodie they left at your place and you prove upwards with a dozen red roses, in that location's going to be a problem.

If you had to beg for them to come across with you lot, it's not a date, it's a pity political party.

This is for that "testing the waters" engagement when you've already reconnected and things seem to be heading in a romantic direction. But are you lot there withal?

How can you tell if information technology'southward a "engagement"?

It can be catchy to figure out if your ex sees it as a appointment or non. Here are some signs to wait for.

Accept your previous meetings been positive?
Have you had a conversation about mayhap trying again?
Have they been reaching out to you lot to talk virtually things unrelated to the separate?
Have you two been flirting?

If you answered yes to these questions, that'due south a good sign that they want to rekindle things with yous.

Another thing to look for is the tone and content of your conversations recently.

Are they mostly positive and kind towards yous?
Are you both withal rehashing the breakup or are you interim like it never happened?

In the terminate, you'll never know for sure if it's a date or not because your ex doesn't either! The rekindling stage after a breakup is tricky territory.

At some point you take to take a jump of organized religion and but get for information technology.

Your ex is conflicted and then the all-time thing you tin can do is provide a sense of certainty. This ways act as if it's a date and there's a skilful chance information technology will become i.

The Date With Your Ex

In many ways this is like any first date. You want to await your best, make them express mirth, and make them want to see you over again.

couple playing pool on date

With that in heed, pick a setting where yous'll be able to accomplish this. If your ex likes fancy french nutrient, take them out to a squeamish restaurant. If they're outdoorsy, become for a hike. Information technology's non rocket science.

Brand sure this date is different than the other dates y'all two take been on in the past.

Don't repeat your outset date. Don't take them to the Thai place yous guys used to go every Wednesday.

Bound for something new and exciting. Continue a carriage ride through the park, go ice skating, or surprise them with a ticket to a sporting event.

Be Brand New, But Familiar

This is how yous'll employ this date to win your ex back. Your goal is to be "brand new just familiar" at the same time.

Brand new but familiar is a bit of an oxymoron, simply permit me explicate.

Consider the humble McRib. Frequent fast food patrons, such as myself, volition know the McRib: McDonald's signature barbecue-flavoured pork product pressed into the shape of a rack of ribs, served on a v and a one-half inch coil.

The McRib is nil special; it's a pork sandwich slathered with mediocre barbecue sauce.

But people covet the McRib considering of its scarcity.

McRib Sandwich

Exist the McRib.

The McRib is only available for a short menstruum every yr and is liable to be removed any minute. That's why thousands flock to McDonald'south every year to get the McRib: that comforting pork-side by side flavour that is at the same time, new and exciting. It is at in one case both familiar and brand new.

I desire you to be like the McRib on this date.

You need to remind your ex of all the things they miss nigh you. What makes you special and dissimilar anyone else they could find out there on the dating scene.

This should come naturally and organically when you two spend time together. Inside jokes, happy memories, and the familiar rhythm of your conversations are all things to draw upon to remind your ex what they've been missing.

Being brand new is almost showing them that you've inverse, that y'all're willing to show a new side of yourself to them, and that you're not the aforementioned old boring person that contributed to the breakdown.

It can be as elementary as getting a new haircut, and some new clothes that are different than what you used to wear.

Plus, surprise them with stories about what you've been doing while you were apart. Ideally you want your ex to see you lot making progress towards some goal. What'south a personal obstacle you've gotten over since you've been apart?

They important thing is that they see you differently. If you're exactly the aforementioned equally you were when you lot broke upwardly, then why would they want you back?

RELATED: The Best Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back

Be Positive On Any Dates With Your Ex

Don't dwell on the breakup. Y'all're past all that now. That talk will come if yous decide to give things another shot just for now, don't dredge up the past.

Call up of it like any other first date. Would you bring up your final breakup? No, you lot're trying to keep things light and fun.

The cardinal is to evidence them that It's been different without them around, but non worse. This means that their absence has had an upshot but that at that place's positive and negative aspects of it.

You'll look confident and stable and they'll come across yous don't need them to be happy. Information technology takes the force per unit area off of them to solve all your problems.

This engagement isn't about trying to fox them into taking you lot dorsum so try to calm down and not push as well hard. (Click here to learn why you need to brand your ex chase after you, rather than the other way around…)

Even if yous're extremely nervous (who wouldn't be) you desire to come off natural and relaxed. The more yous tin go them talking, the easier this will be.

Put The Focus On Them

We often become very goal oriented in these situations. Am I doing okay? Practice they desire me back? Am I doing all I tin can to show them I care?

Endeavour to quiet these voices and merely have an honest conversation. Chances are you have plenty of communicable up to exercise.

Enquire them what they've been up to since the break up. Enquire them questions about themselves that you lot've never asked before and focus on really listening to what they have to say.

At some point, I want yous to try to initiate physical contact. Don't go for the buss right abroad only impact their arm, rub their back, concur hands.

Touching is an extremely powerful trigger that will go them out of their caput and seduce them in a way words lonely can't.

Ending The Date

If everything has gone as planned, there are ii means this date ends. Either you lot office ways on a practiced note or you go dorsum to your place and get hot and heavy.

The key here is to be casual. If the mood is right, ask them if they want to go back to your identify. If they say no, make certain they know that you lot don't mind. Don't pout or run away.

It's okay if this appointment doesn't lead to sexual practice. It doesn't have to hateful annihilation other than they want to take things slow.

Either way, if you practise all this correct and they're serious about giving things another shot, yous've laid a foundation you can build upon.

5 Things To Avoid

Don't enquire them if they've been seeing anyone. This is a conversation you both want to avoid. You don't desire to come off as jealous or possessive.
Don't brag. If you spend too much time talking about how well yous've been doing they're going to call up that you're trying to impress them.
Don't push for the adjacent meeting. Yous desire this date to be self-contained. If you endeavour to get them thinking about the side by side stride, they'll put their guard up, offset thinking most the breakup, and stop having fun.
Don't be a downer. Sure, it's been tough and y'all don't have to hide that but don't dwell on it. They should see you lot making positive progress, not falling into a deep well of depression. That's non sexy.
Don't worry if it's awkward. There's going to be some awkwardness on both sides. Information technology'due south a weird state of affairs. But clumsiness can be the key to getting their guard down. If you tin push through it and make them laugh, remind them of how happy you can brand them then y'all've got them back into the mindset of when you were together.

In my experience, if you tin can brand them laugh, nine times out of x y'all can win them back.

Jessica Boss

Jessica Boss is your trusted guide through the mysterious world of dating, relationships, and breakups. She's a 'romance geek', a regular correspondent to numerous publications and journals, and an experienced relationship coach with a genuine passion for helping others create and maintain stable, loving relationships.